Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
