Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have demons in me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
