I have demons in me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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