Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
