Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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