i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pappa wants mamma naked
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
