she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
love makes seman taste better
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
