Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
