Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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