i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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