what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
worst night to have a conscience
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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