Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
