Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
