he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
