Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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