I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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