I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
