I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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