made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize