Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
40s are totally the cure
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
