what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
