was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
