I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
