the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
