running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
