Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
