My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
