no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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