If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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