If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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