Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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