My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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