I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
