you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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