I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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