I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
