Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
