That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize