I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dear god my vagina.
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