I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
