those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
