dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
