i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
