my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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