last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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