Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
