he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
