he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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