so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
