You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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