who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
