I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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