im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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