She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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