Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
