We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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