mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize