We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets