Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
