we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.