OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.