If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
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Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley