Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Boobs speak an international language.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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