i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
