remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Still dying that you shit outside
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
