If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize