Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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