i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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