God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
