yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
