you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
