when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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