3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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