You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
