I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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