I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
