eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
