Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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